The invigorating travels and journeys to far-flung locales of my pre-COVID life feel unreal; like they were part of a dream. Thus this photo essay follows a mysterious female protagonist as she journeys through a dreamlike lagoon. The images were shot with a Nikon FM10 on expired Fujicolor 200 35mm film, during a trip to Florida's east coast. The expired film developed with a very warm color scheme and some slight muddying, giving a hazy and dreamy quality to the images. The images are not retouched from the original film, excepting adjusting the angle of the horizon in 'ending or beginning again?'. I chose to keep the photos untouched because I wanted to retain the feeling of vacation snapshots that haven't been worked over. From these rolls, I selected images that mirrored my feelings of disconnect from the world during COVID; of being next to it but not part of it.
The idea of going on a vacation or a journey right now seems so distant from the reality of the life I am inhabiting as someone living alone during the pandemic in the United States. I sit at home in front of my computer day after day, and haven't traveled more than a few hours away by car. Travel used to be my way of connecting with the world, and the beginning of any journey was the time I felt most alive. Now with COVID, travel seems to emphasize our disconnection as we stay respectfully distanced from each other. Socialization and connecting with others has gone from being a source of joy to being a source of fear, creating an ambivalence about interacting with civilization. From here at my desk at home any imagining of a journey cannot escape my feelings of disconnect from society and uncertainty about life.