Projekt Heimat, eine intime Verortung (Proyecto Hogar, una ubicación íntima)
Projekt Heimat, eine intime Verortung (Home Project, an intimate location)
The essence of this essay is born from the search for belonging, a place to which I name Home (Heimat). The word Heimat means Home as a refuge and is also linked to the concept of nation, feeling of nationalism and country.
My paternal grandparents and my father are Germans. My parents lived for several years in Germany until a month before I was born, when my mother decided to return to Argentina, back in 1982. Maybe escaping from a country which did not identify. My father met me a few months later.
In my 30s, I travel to Germany for the first time and a new dimension appears: Germany is the invisible thread of my story.
How to materialize that genetic memory that transcends time and places. Argentina and Germany are blurred, they are indefinite territories, they touch an immense doubt. I become my own landscape asked question: What is Germany, for me? What does it mean?
Dasein - TO EXIST Here - There. Germany names me.
I inhabit those open spaces, disproportionate, rarefied, intimate. I feel the strength of the language, the look, the energy that springs from my body; at the same time I feel vulnerable, fragile and foreign. I am moved by that coexistence. To feel mirror; the territory is not mine at all. I can go and come back. I have two shelters. In both I am an inhabitant, belonging, determining.
My grandfather, German soldier in World War II. A strange mixture of guilt, fear, terror, shame, disappointment, and curiosity; My grandmother, a strong, authoritarian woman, fought not to die until the last minute; the story of my father, "child of war", whose childhood is confused in small blurred fragments and a trip by boat to a country that was too far from home (his home), my home?
I wonder, what does it mean to leave the country where we were born? How are the customs, the nostalgia and the decision to be in another place assembled? Do you decide to be somewhere else?
Each link that belongs to a question, modifies, riches and guides me towards a new possibility. My imprecise map works as a guide.