Beijing, China. March 2014. My face reflected on the window of a skyscraper, in one of the unnumbered megalopolis of our world. Me and the city—this is how it all began. With an intoxication from polluted water and food, which led to MCS (Multiple Chemical Sensitivity) and fibromyalgia. © Sabrina Merolla
Loreto Crispi Hospital, Naples, Italy. Summer 2013. This is one of the countless hospitals I visited. Nonetheless, this was a very important one. Here I heard the word "fibromyalgia," from a rheumatologist. It was just a vague hypothesis then. But one year later, when I clearly showed all fibromyalgia's symptoms, alone, in Beijing, it turned out to be the most helpful suggestion ever. © Sabrina Merolla
Naples, Italy. December 2014. There is no protocol for treating fibromyalgia. If and when there is a diagnosis, the process begins anew: from prescription to prescription, from doctor to doctor, trying many medications which sometimes risk to be even more damaging than the illness in itself. And I move everyday. Otherwise the simplest movement can quickly become unachievable. © Sabrina Merolla
Villa Floria Clinic, Caserta, Italy. May 2013. Life is a movie reflected on a glass. But I am still lucky, I can walk and swim again, now. Me and my mother at a laser therapy session. © Sabrina Merolla
Beijing, China. March 2014. "Fibro fog" really feels like having the brain in the haze. Generally, it is characterized by neurological overstimulation, forgetfulness, decreased alertness, confusion, inability to focus or stay focused. Basically it feels like the brain is there but, instead of going from point A to point B, it just flows round and round. © Sabrina Merolla
Naples, Italy, Summer 2014. It has been demonstrated there is no hereditariness in fibromyalgia. Nonetheless, there could be a certain "familiarity." I have longly been staring at my lifeline, wandering about ancestry and fate. I have found no answer apart from something I was told once: "It is as it is, Sabrina, and it is perfectly fine this way." © Sabrina Merolla
Naples, Italy. January 2016. Unnumbered are the injections I had during the last few years. Analgesics, anti-inflammatories, cortisone, I tried everything. But having my condition caused by a deep intoxication, all those drugs could give me only some immediate relief that, later on, I always paid for, because they contributed to deepen my body's poisoning. © Sabrina Merolla
Naples, Italy. Winter 2014. It may sound ludicrous, but the evening bath is an essential part of my life. It relaxes all muscles and nerves and thus has now become a daily ritual. © Sabrina Merolla
I have been a sinologist for years, before becoming a full-time photographer. After eight years in China, which was becoming one of my two motherlands, moving definitively back to Italy was an extremely hard decision to take. © Sabrina Merolla
Italy, May 2014. As I fly back to Italy, a beautiful sky and many hopes permeate everything. © Sabrina Merolla
Naples, Italy, October 2014. Friends always make a difference. People come and go though; friends come and go, too. I cannot pretend every friend of mine showed empathy for my illness or interest for me as a "normal" person, beyond fibromyalgia. But dealing with someone who is going through a lot of pain is difficult. As I found many new friends, I lost some on the way. But this road was one that I would never choose for myself. By the end, it has become part of me, and denying any recognition of it is to deny the person I am today. © Sabrina Merolla
Naples, Italy. September 2014. Chronic fatigue is characterized by persistent soreness and exhaustion. Muscles and bones feel extremely heavy and difficult to move. Every movement, even breathing, can become unbearably hard. © Sabrina Merolla
Naples, Italy. A picture from 1982. On May 2014, I moved back to Italy. I needed my family.
Autoimmune diseases are deeply challenging for families. It is complicated to show empathy to somebody who does not want to admit their disability. It is difficult to accept it, too. Families are often left apart in the narration of this kind of stories. But they are always there, for better and worse. © Sabrina Merolla
Naples, Italy. May 2014. My inner-most wish at the time: not to have a chronic illness and to get better soon. © Sabrina Merolla
Ischia Island, Italy. July 2014. An old picture from one of my trips to Ischia Island. I go there for thermal therapy. The first days I am almost dead, then the healing process begins. © Sabrina Merolla
Naples, Italy. October 2014.
"I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;
And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying. (...)" "Sea Fever," John Masefield. © Sabrina Merolla
Naples, Italy. Spring 2014. Restless legs syndrome is both a symptom of fibromyalgia and an independent disease. It creates an urge to move one's legs because of uncomfortable sensations such as tingling, burning, itching, or painful cramping. These sensations worsen during the usually sleepless nights. © Sabrina Merolla
Naples, Italy. December 2014. The degree to which these kind of illness can stay invisible is astonishing. We may feel the fiercest pain without showing any clear outward sign. But if doctors are not extremely young—these diseases have only been recognized in the past couple of decades—it is understandable why so many of them believe we are hysterics. © Sabrina Merolla
Ischia Island, Italy. July 2014.
The dark night gave me black eyes,
Yet, I use them to search for the light. Gu © Sabrina Merolla