Saturn's Return

The complete loss of sense of self I experienced this past year was dramatic. Beset by severe hair loss from an undiagnosed scalp condition, the deterioration of my 11-year relationship, and the fraught experience of turning 30; I looked to photography as an anchor in the turbulence. At the height of the pandemic (and in pursuit of self-exploration), I moved into total isolation on Nantucket–this work germinated during the time I spent with myself there, on the island, and on the cusp of turning 30. My project, Saturn’s Return, is a contemplation on my life and struggles with bipolar ii disorder, which has continuously thrown me into ongoing uncertainty about my relationship to reality and how I process information. The text in the project comes from both a neuropsychological test, which was performed on me in 2008 when I was struggling in high school, and "Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See" by Juliann Garey, a book that helps me put words to my experience as bipolar. My images are much more felt than calculated; they contain aspects of myself, and my existential thoughts as I see them reflected–metaphorically and literally–in the landscape around me. Oscillating between confronting and concealing my physical appearance and mental illness, I use reflections, light, shadows, and juxtaposing surfaces to ominously allude to the uncertainty I have within myself during this particularly pivotal year of my life.