I Smell Like Rain

Czarnówka is a small village located in the northeast of Poland, in Mazury, an area known for its 2000 lakes, forests and rural landscapes. Formerly East Prussia, this remote area was settled by Polish and Ukrainian populations after 1945. My parents built a house there in 2001 and this is where I spent my summers as a child. I have good memories of my childhood holidays. My parents barely saw me during the day. I was playing with the kids in the village, swimming, running through the fields, or taking a ride on the tractor. Over the years, I became friends with Natalia, a 12-year old girl who lives in a farmhouse in Czarnówka. I know her since she was a small child, as I spent most of my time with her older brothers. Natalia had a very close relationship with her mother, and so did I. Unfortunately, Natalia’s mother attempted suicide in September 2012 leaving Natalia to live with her father and four brothers as the only female in the house. I see Natalia as the little sister I never had. Together we go out on short trips in the area during which she shows me the Mazurian nature, but we mostly talk. I give her the attention she wants from her brothers, but does not always receive. The brothers come and go and live lives distant and separate from hers. Natalia shares with me the idealized version of the life she would have wanted; a version that does not exist, but that she believes in.