My Inner Path

This series aims to represent my inner life and how it’s developed from a chaotic organization into a clearer definition of itself. It was a long and painful path, done into an “apparently” normal life, but it was very hard for me, as I believe it’s for everyone. In this series I stage as myself in different situations, representing strong inner conflicts arising. Being at the same time the photographer behind the camera and the two characters allows me to represent in the material world the inner space, a place not belonging to it but still existing and real. Part of it has been realized using multiple-exposure technique because I wanted to represent when I felt to be a spectator of my-self, and of my life. When it occurred I experienced a wide range of emotions, from gratitude and compassion (as when I suddenly remembered difficult circumstances in which I had passed through) to shame or judgment (as when I felt the shame about an uncontrolled behaviour or a failure, or the posthumous inflexibility of a self-erotic act). Another part of the series is made of self-portraits mounted in post-production into a single photo. It was where I wanted to represent when my Ego and its double face one to each other. One of the characters is the socially correct self: scared from others’ judgment, it absolutely doesn’t want to show alterations in its state of mind and minimizes its emotions. It faces a second expression of my Ego, its counter-part represented by a strong emotion that is kept alive by a hidden and continuous thought. Paradoxically the former won’t survive without the last. I live in a strong inner conflict until they don’t meet, often not knowing it. When I allow the antagonistic selves to encounter, I am firstly frightened from the dreadful clash that inevitably happens, then, I slowly accept my inadequacy and fragility. These conflicts represented are depression, huffiness, rage, and sexuality. In the last work MM it appears another subject: she is my mother, the origin of my life and the end of my research. MM is the representation of a conflict between a mother and her daughter, the suffering realization of the absolute puppeteer power that a mother can employ, more or less unwittingly, over her sons. But not only: at the same time, it’s the suffering process through which we accept to become orphan of our living parents and finally reborn and grow up as son of our consciousness. It’s the painful prelude to the birth of our Inner Mother. While we still live considering every responsibility depended on external causes, we live in the shadow of our parents (alive or imaginary), while when we overturn this perspective, we finally become Mother of our life. Me, I am the Mother of Myself.