Myself and I

From quite a young age I struggled with panic attacks. I used to think there was something seriously wrong with my physical health. Stomach-aches, head-aches, dizziness, nausea and hyperventilation. Jet for most it seemed like I was fine. My parents didn’t believe I was sick, but because I kept complaining about the same symptoms for several years they decided to take me to the doctor. They took me to the hospital for testing, but everything came back negative. Meanwhile I was getting sicker and sicker, with no explanation why. Months flew by and my mother didn’t know what to do anymore. She called a psychologist as a last resort. We went by the very next day and my parents and I were told I had a panic disorder. Two, three times a week I would see a psychologist and slowly but steady I was feeling better again. To this day I still have panic attacks, and sometimes I let fear control my life. It’s hard work to keep my monsters at bay. But what helped me a lot, was to know that I’m not alone. Quite some people have mental health problems. Half of all students cope with psychological symptoms. But because you can’t see it physically, it’s hard to explain what’s wrong with you. Most people who haven’t experienced the same problems won’t (completely) understand how it feels. When people don’t seem to understand you, it can be a very lonely existents. I felt, and sometimes still feel, isolated because of my panic attacks. In the photos from ‘myself and I’ I imaged how it feels to live with a panic disorder. You constantly have to fight with a part of yourself. I hope that these photos give people who haven’t experienced something like this a better idea of how it must feel. This for a better understanding of each other. It’s hard to explain a feeling with words, you can say so much more with a picture. I also hope to reach people coping with mental problems, to let them know they’re not alone. It’s a serious problem and with help it can get better.