No Butterflies
Project info

It felt good to be free, for a moment. Before you became the person that I no longer know. I search for a way out but can only see the mess you made. How did this happen? Will I be like you? Will I lose my dignity, my respect? Are you disappointed in yourself? Are you aware that I'm disappointed in you? I wrestle with my despair. I try and break free from your bitterness. But, your once beautiful white smile no longer shines bright. Now I see only gray. I pray for love to penetrate my heart.

I surrender and accept darkness as my friend. Little did I know that only in the dark could I find the light to guide me. Clarity rose up from the canyons, along with empathy as its companion. I see your life in the mirror, not mine. Yes, sadness has risen up before you, larger than you have ever seen. How desperately you must want to be free of your trappings. How uncomfortable and confusing the road must look to you. But like the cloud-shadows and light that pass over your hands and over all of you, something is happening within you. Life has not forgotten you and it will not let you fall. Do not shut out life's uneasiness or its miseries. For you do not know what these conditions are doing inside you.

I see. We are in this together. My heart travels to a neutral place of love, where butterflies don't fly, for now.

This body of work was created during a time when I cared for my alcoholic mother. During this period in my life, I was drawn to strong, contrasting features. I deliberately processed these images using dark blacks that represented my overwhelming feeling of despair and the intense whites to represent hope. I came to realize that this series is not just about my journey. It also represents life's vicissitudes that we all go through. Darkness is the uncertain place we all go before light seeps in, and before butterflies can fly.