In the Know

We capture The ‘Know’ or The ‘Theme’ — a name that BDSM is called in Russian-speaking circles — because we like pain, too: both feeling it and inflicting it. We like the aesthetics and ideology of BDSM. The ‘Theme’ is not as much leather-clad people with whips as psychology. We could say that studying this issue helped us understand more about ourselves. The St. Petersburg BDSM community is rather young compared to similar communities in the West: one of the ‘Theme’ veterans says it all could come into being only in the times of perestroika. In late 1980s people starting looking for like-minded individuals through newspaper ads. “That was local St. Petersburg press printed in A4 size. I couldn’t have remembered the names,” says Nemo, a masochist who’s been in the theme since the late 1980s. “Their “Looking to Meet” section had not only “Men” and “Women”, but also a very small portion of “Untraditional” ads. Texts such as “Looking for a man who would be glad to carry the marks of his mistress”, “looking for a masochist”, “a couple is looking for a man for SM”. Contact via poste restante or a P/O box. It is hard to say why people like Nemo come to BDSM. Sadomasochism for them is a way to relieve internal tension and stress, free themselves from negative emotions and get a sexual discharge. In addition, the impact on the body and the body’s reaction results in powerful emotion for both sides. At one of the femdom parties we met a young man of about 25 who was new to the ‘Theme’. He said that for him pain was an expression of trust of the person who inflicts it on you: “When I am in the ‘Theme’, I allow certain traits of my character to unfold more fully. I have always put women I liked on some sort of a pedestal.” It turned out that in regular life he works as a doctor and keeps his preferences hidden from his friends and family to avoid their negative reaction. Going publicly on theme meetings allows those who practice BDSM to meet new people and observe them. It is additional adrenaline for them, a way to set themselves free and stop being ashamed of their bodies and desires. This hobby is usually only a part of their life. However, there are also people who live in the Theme 24/7. For instance, Pour Vivre mistress told us her family knows what she does and has made their peace with it — it is most important for them that she is happy. We met Pour Vivre at one of the parties where she was giving a BDSM performance: a half-naked young woman in a belt was riding a sub in a pig mask while the mistress was piercing her back with needles. A two-meter tall Asian man dressed as a woman with an unfazed face was standing nearby holding a tray with props: needles, leash, and a whip. Pour Vivre mistress is one of those for whom the ‘Theme’ is not a way to vent, but a way of life. She has been in it for a while, and has been open about it for the past five years. The mistress rented a separate apartment for her experiments. One of her subs, Kali, lives there all the time: he cleans, cooks, and fulfils her special wishes. He spends his days studying at university, and stays at his dorm for the night if his mistress needs him to. Pour Vivre says that for her everything started in kindergarten: she made a boy lick a piece of metal at minus temperatures and made the other girls watch. Pour Vivre says that now is the best time for her, as her interests are in tune with the interests of many other people. The mistress is sure that humankind is now at the evolutionary stage where female energy prevails and dominates, finds some kind of a greater response in the masses. Femdom is now at its peak, and it takes BDSM to a new level — for instance, register a club, take the ‘Theme’ out of the underground. There are closed and semi-closed parties in clubs in St. Petersburg, there are also group meetings held at private apartments. It is usually impossible to randomly get into an event like this: the organizers carefully select the newcomers. However, it became much easier for people who are into BDSM to find each other. There are specialized websites and numerous communities on social networks. The parties are advertised there, too.