Publish or Perish

I fell in love, lived in a housing estate, learned a language, moved out, left home early, dreamt of another city, going to university maybe, taking pictures, worked, moved, learned to take pictures, worked a lot, got a job for two quid, photographed a lot, got some grants, bought roll film and photographed less but better, did a masters in photography, moved, did a photography course, moved to a foreign city, new opportunities, broken up with my partner, took many photographs, got more grants took another photography course got another job, back with my partner, dreamed of other cities, work work more work photograph photograph photograph isn‘t enough look at more grants it’s not enough knock on doors more photographs more roll film more good photographs but it isn‘t enough it is over I looked at other worlds other lands other people I keep on photographing film grants doors it is never enough Why? why do we have to constantly reinvent ourselves? I only dream about the smell of coffee in the morning, dusting the shelves, reading a book, enjoying it, thinking about having a cat, feeding it, stroking it, taking a nap, looking out of the window while washing the dishes and saying to my partner: “Look, those two pigeons are fucking”. * „Publish or perish“ is an aphorism describing the pressure to publish academic work in order to succeed in an academic career. I have appropriated this meaning used for research as the pressure is equally or even stronger in art.